Short Humour

In recent years I have been quite fond of my short daft pieces. These might have been longer pieces which just didn't call out for their length at this point, and might be reworked one day. Or they were just excuses for dreadful puns. Or wee daft satires I liked.

The Short Humour site offered a spot for them, for which I am grateful.


The Lemur Crime - a man is attacked by a bad bunch of ring tailed lemurs.

Why I Survived The Evil House - some live in haunted houses, others live in passive aggressive houses.

part 2 - Our chap might have survived, but his situation continues to amuse...

Twisted - a mother berates her teenage son. Strangely, he doesn't seem to be replying...

Curiosity Killed the Cat? - A story I make no apology for the fact only exists for the terrible pun.

Police Assistance - The automated phone service of the future

The Teddy Bar - a drunk teddy bear tries to find its way home from the pub.

Mrs Norris - The worlds great psychic, who continuously foresees her own demise.

In the Beginning - The start of a novel I abandoned in 2004. The opening of Genesis, as it really happened.

How to get A head in life - A man's head explodes, and he gets to meet Death. He doesn't like her.

Spice up Swimming and Make it Snappy - the IOC decide to improve the Olympic swimming heats.

Sands Denial - I honestly haven't the foggiest...

How to Be Dead - A man has no idea how to be properly dead. As read at Word Dogs in 2007. The rest of the story can be found here:
part 2  part 3 part 4

The Kid Had Nine Lives!

Evil Machiavellian Identical Army - crack troop penguins take over Downing Street.

Whats the Time, Mr Wolf? - the children all had the same deadly dream.

The Mourning

A Hard Days Night - Non-conformists smothered to death by the state.

Winston God - Obituary of a fallen giant.

The Communists First Christmas - more academia piss take.

Dying in Retrospect

Scary Mary - Not Mary Poppins. The wrong nanny.

The Great Protected Zombie - endangered species ought to be preserved.

Sudoku - the Glaswegian version of Ringu.
part 2 part 3 part 4

Making a Scene - inspired by singer/song writer Georgia Seddon's suggestion, a tale of breaking up.

The Cash Cloud - which came South from Iceland, upsetting the markets...

Fun Removers - the Tories make it illegal to have fun.

The Eurovision Bomb Contest

Multiple Choice - I loved those Choose Your Own Adventure books.

Combustura Subitus - A story acclaimed by Jim Steel, about the new wonder drug.

A Feeling of Impending Doom

Hell in the Hornets Nest - be wary what you do in life, less you find yourself paying after death.

Heather World - the dangers of cloning.

The Very Religious Man - based on a true story.

If You Happen to Pass By

Party Political Corrections

Deport All Politicians - terrible pun alert, based on a sticker campaign of 2010.

The Anniversary - How wonderful we are thought of, when no longer here.

Face to Face - the world's worst hitman.  (part 2)

Match of the Day - as read at Word Dogs in 2008. (part 2)

Everyone in this Ward is Dying - but think of the money!

Scotland in Space - "every planet has a Scotland"

Breaking News - a sketch about the importance of celebrity.

Monsters Pet


Down in a Hole

A Short Lovecraftian Tale - exactly what it says on the box.

Mans Best Friend - wont someone please think of the devil dog?

Vignette - the worst enemy of a supernatural serial killer is revealed.